Yo! Samie.

just because it's difficult, doesn't mean it's impossible.

Argh, was flicking through my archives and found a piece I wrote near Christmas - it still remains true to this day. 

Everyone keeps asking me what I want for Christmas, and I honestly can’t give an answer. But, if I had to narrow it down to something…

A couple of years ago I knew a girl, who absolutely loved this one guy. Now, they dated and they were young, things didn’t work out. They saw other people in the time being, and they both individually grew into different and stronger people. They unfortunately didn’t keep in touch regularly when they were apart, but as fate would have it’s way, they reached out to each other and caught up with the “new” versions of themselves. They grew feelings for each other, started hanging out and fell in love all over again. Then just as every tragic story would have it these days, one of them just wasn’t there anymore. But, the sad thing is they never told each other how much they really loved each other, and sadly the “given a couple of weeks we would’ve been dating again, we would’ve fallen in love”, just doesn’t cut it. It’s not enough.

So, I wish that everyone this Christmas can build the courage to express their feelings, whether that is about someone, something or beliefs - I wish everyone to have the strength to stand up against all. You may feel vulnerable at that moment, and if things don’t work out you might feel really shit - but, you can always call a friend, vent frustration or simple write me an email.

With love

you know you’ve had a big weekend when its thursday the next week and your best friends are suffering from a virus and you’ve got vertigo.

night in town $70 bucks, taxi home $40 bucks, still laughing about shit you did on saturday that you couldnt remember til now… priceless.

— Sam, Facebook.

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. MOTHER FUCKER YOU HAVE NO GAME.  Raise your hand if you were called a ‘mcfuckhead’ this morning! You boys are cryptic, mysterious, confusing, stupid and outright rude. I bet this morning after realising what you texted me at 2am, you finally understood the meaning to John Mayer’s, My Stupid Mouth. So for all the guys out there, I’m gonna run through some tips to avoid the drunken text/cockblocking yourself situations.  1) DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE. Girls don’t find guys who are dicks attractive, don’t believe me? Call a girl a fuckhead and see how hard it is to get in her pants after that. 2) ALL ABOUT ME. Yes, I want to get to know you a little more but, knowing your schedule and meal consumption is not what I meant. You fucking idiot.  3) THE L-BOMB. You fuckers think that us girls don’t pick up on you dropping words such as ‘sweetie, babe, love’. We are girls, we over analyse and read into nothing. I know you are basically poking us for a reaction and sometimes we don’t give any because we have the best poker faces, but dropping the L-bomb just to see what we say is not smooth - especially when your ‘drunk’.  4) FLIRT 101. It doesn’t hurt to add a winky face into a text, end a message with an x, drop a ‘babe’ in there. Show those girls that you have swag, show those girls that you have game. 5) PUT THE ‘U’ IN UNIQUE. Be yourself, total cliche but it’s true. Girls love honesty, (in moderation don’t go telling her that she looks shit in her dress) make sure you don’t turn into that one guy who wants to please her all the fucking time. Be real niggas. NOW GO ON THE HUNT FOR THEM BITCHES.

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. MOTHER FUCKER YOU HAVE NO GAME.
 

Raise your hand if you were called a ‘mcfuckhead’ this morning! You boys are cryptic, mysterious, confusing, stupid and outright rude. I bet this morning after realising what you texted me at 2am, you finally understood the meaning to John Mayer’s, My Stupid Mouth. So for all the guys out there, I’m gonna run through some tips to avoid the drunken text/cockblocking yourself situations. 

1) DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE. Girls don’t find guys who are dicks attractive, don’t believe me? Call a girl a fuckhead and see how hard it is to get in her pants after that.

2) ALL ABOUT ME. Yes, I want to get to know you a little more but, knowing your schedule and meal consumption is not what I meant. You fucking idiot. 

3) THE L-BOMB. You fuckers think that us girls don’t pick up on you dropping words such as ‘sweetie, babe, love’. We are girls, we over analyse and read into nothing. I know you are basically poking us for a reaction and sometimes we don’t give any because we have the best poker faces, but dropping the L-bomb just to see what we say is not smooth - especially when your ‘drunk’. 

4) FLIRT 101. It doesn’t hurt to add a winky face into a text, end a message with an x, drop a ‘babe’ in there. Show those girls that you have swag, show those girls that you have game.

5) PUT THE ‘U’ IN UNIQUE. Be yourself, total cliche but it’s true. Girls love honesty, (in moderation don’t go telling her that she looks shit in her dress) make sure you don’t turn into that one guy who wants to please her all the fucking time. Be real niggas.

NOW GO ON THE HUNT FOR THEM BITCHES.

HOW TO SURVIVE FIJI 101 1) Fiji is a massive place, make sure you know where you are going and where you are. Have a map, a travel guide, a scribbled piece of paper with your address on it - just a general jist of where the fuck you are.  2) Don’t carry a lot of money on you. Usually when people carry a lot of cash they spend it like it’s nothing. Here in Fiji, I’ve realised everyone knows if you are a tourist or local. Tourists’ tend to have the fancier clothes, the big rimmed hats, the short dresses, the lighter/red burnt skin and also a confused look upon their face which is usually followed up by a stupid question.  3) Don’t get hustled. People will literally talk you off the street and down an alley to their “handmade designs” shop. Usually, they are pushy, friendly people with an actual shop, but if you find yourself in a different situation and with no shop at the end of the tunnel, RUN LIKE DONKEY KONG. 4) Don’t be a public homo. They will literally snap you into jail. Earlier in my travels in this crazy country I witnessed a kid get dragged from a home and thrown into a police car. The weapon of choice, oh you know just your average stick with a leather belt on the end, the new “police whip?” 5) SUNSCREEN. This place is sunny and hot. You may be tempted to sleep under the sun’s natural blanket all afternoon, but trust me once you wake up, you won’t be going back to sleep because you’ll be in too much fucking pain. You stupid red bastard.  6) Generally locals are friendly but, just like every other place in the world, you get the seeds. The guys who see you, thinking “easy one night stand” and will use all their charm and seductive voices to get in your pants. Don’t be that girl who gets knocked up overseas with no contact details for the father.  HAPPY TRAVELS

HOW TO SURVIVE FIJI 101

1) Fiji is a massive place, make sure you know where you are going and where you are. Have a map, a travel guide, a scribbled piece of paper with your address on it - just a general jist of where the fuck you are. 

2) Don’t carry a lot of money on you. Usually when people carry a lot of cash they spend it like it’s nothing. Here in Fiji, I’ve realised everyone knows if you are a tourist or local. Tourists’ tend to have the fancier clothes, the big rimmed hats, the short dresses, the lighter/red burnt skin and also a confused look upon their face which is usually followed up by a stupid question. 

3) Don’t get hustled. People will literally talk you off the street and down an alley to their “handmade designs” shop. Usually, they are pushy, friendly people with an actual shop, but if you find yourself in a different situation and with no shop at the end of the tunnel, RUN LIKE DONKEY KONG.

4) Don’t be a public homo. They will literally snap you into jail. Earlier in my travels in this crazy country I witnessed a kid get dragged from a home and thrown into a police car. The weapon of choice, oh you know just your average stick with a leather belt on the end, the new “police whip?”

5) SUNSCREEN. This place is sunny and hot. You may be tempted to sleep under the sun’s natural blanket all afternoon, but trust me once you wake up, you won’t be going back to sleep because you’ll be in too much fucking pain. You stupid red bastard. 

6) Generally locals are friendly but, just like every other place in the world, you get the seeds. The guys who see you, thinking “easy one night stand” and will use all their charm and seductive voices to get in your pants. Don’t be that girl who gets knocked up overseas with no contact details for the father. 

HAPPY TRAVELS